Faith Like a Mustard Seed

     It's funny, because I had a whole different plan for what to write for my next post but I definitely want to write about having faith instead and what I have been experiencing in regards to that. 

    Since I last wrote, my school plans for ASL have sort of crumbled, and I am now having to figure out what is next. I didn't anticipate this happening and its so easy to ask "why?". I think it is equally amusing because I remember remarking to my husband how it feels like God is really taking us into a beautiful season of growth. 

And He certainly is. 

  I am of the belief that growth isn't always comfortable or easy, particularly when it comes to anything having to do with faith. The chiseling and work that the Lord does can hurt but in the end we are petter for it. Its tempting to try and find ways to cope that do not always include or prioritize God. We live in a world with distraction at our very fingertips. I know I myself have found myself doom-scrolling away...distracting myself from difficulties AND responsibilities with an endless algorithm of kitten videos and other things that make me laugh. It may be true that for however much time I spend doing that, yes, I am distracted but the things I have to face and navigate through will still be there when I finally close whatever app I have lost myself in. If we don't have faith that God is working and growing us for good...we will simply remain stuck and not grow at all. We will just wilt. 

    It's easy to echo and repeat the phrase "God has a plan" but I think it can hard to really believe this and trust that He does in fact have a plan. Something I often remind myself of when things feel looming and uncertain is that God is already present in the difficult moments ahead just as much as He is with me in each present moment. He already knows what the outcome of this will be and what He has in store. I really don't like the feeling of being stuck. Its easy to let the anxiety take over and let the "what ifs" rule in my thoughts. I think this is the case because I don't like change, especially change I wasn't anticipating, as well as not wanting to disappoint or let anyone down; this includes myself. Several days after I had been processing about ASL schooling not working out, I felt a wave of fresh emotion and anger. My first instinct was to pause, fold my hands and bow my head (or well...lay my head on my desk) and pray. I put everything I was feeling in that moment at the foot of the throne of God and surrendered it to Him. Yes, I was still upset and the emotions still there, but I had and do have faith that God always hears us, be it a happy prayer or one of angry tears. 

    As I am sitting here writing and reflecting,  I am reminded of another thing that I always find amazing. What amazes me over and over is the fact that God provides encouragement and the little things we need to hear. Since realizing my school plans are falling through, I have heard podcast episodes from my daily podcast rotations (the Bible in a Year w/ Fr. Mike Schmitz, Sunday Homilies with Fr. Mike Schmitz and Abiding Together), people sharing at the Bible Study I attend at my local parish and even music that spoke to what I have been walking through. Even Saturday evening when I attended Mass, the Gospel reading and Homily were about having faith like a Mustard seed. In the parable found in Matthew 13:31-32, Jesus speaks of a man who goes out and plants a teeny tiny mustard seed. It starts out small but yet when it grows it flourishes so much that even the birds come and make their nests in the branches. We can have faith like a mustard seed. It may be little but God can turn it into something great and beautiful. 

So I trust that He will do that. I have faith and pray that it may grow more and more no matter what comes.