The Bitter & The Sweet

 Holidays have grown to be a bittersweet time for me, particularly after the passing of my dad. I wanted to take some time to just write some raw thoughts about the bitter and the sweet. I find that some years it is an easier season and then other years it just is rough. This year is feeling like being at the bottom of the trenches

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THE BITTER

We live in a fallen and broken world and there is such things as sadness and heartache as a part of it. Death is a result of the Fall. 

1. Traditions changing is a big one and then remembering what traditions used to be. Some of these for us with Dad were: 

• Singing Silent Night by Candlelit at the Christmas Eve service growing up 
• Watching the Charlie Brown Christmas Special 
• Dad making Pillsbury Cinnamon rolls christmas morning 
• Leading us in a reading and prayer of thanks before opening gifts. He led our family so well like that. 
• Watching the Christmas Story and other holiday favorites on TV 
• Dad serving out the stromboli. He LOVED the stromboli. 

2. This year being the first christmas since putting our childhood kitty Pooter down last month. Another emptiness that will be there christmas day which I am feeling horribly sad about.  He loved sitting under the tree and playing amongst the wrapping paper and bows. 

3. Knowing Dad, along with Grandma Harris,  will not be at our Harris Christmas gathering. I always found when I did not know how to instigate conversations or felt like I wasn't fitting in, I could go and sit with him. 

4. Not feeling like decorating. Some years I look forward to it, while other years it feels like alot and just not worth it to put the tree or anything decoration- wise up 

THE SWEET 

Praise be to God that He didn't just abandon humanity after the fall. He provided a way forward: redemption through His Son. Jesus drank the cup- a cup full of bitterness so that we would not have to. Our cup is more sweet then bitter thanks our Savior. 

There are still good and beautiful things about the season. It may feel dark and heavy ,but some of the sweetness I have made effort to focus on are: 

1. Creating new traditions with my husband. Some we have created in our years together: 

• Ordering Chinese food on Christmas night after our travels to see family and watching a christmas movie
• Celebrating Hanukkah as well as Christmas so that a dark season is filled with light 
• Watching through our list of christmas movies leading up to Christmas. 
• Attending a Christmas Eve service. This year I am especially excited to attend Christmas Eve Mass. 

2. Allowing space for memories of loved ones as we celebrate the holidays. I like to try and stop by my dad's graveside a brief visit if possible. 

3. Making gifts. This year I have been on a crocheting kick and have made several gifts for friends and family. It is such a good thing to do something creative with my time and pour love and energy and prayers into those projects. 

4. Doing an advent reading plan. This year is the first time for me to do this. The Hallow App is such a wonderful faith formation tool that I have so treasured on my faith journey as a Catholic Christian. The advent plan has been a staple in my evening routine and focuses on being still and pulling lesson from the Nativity story and especially Mary's journey. 

5. The family get togethers and time with all our loved ones. 

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In closing, my husband has this quote he often reminds me of: "Grief is love with no place to go". It is a blessing to have loved family and dear ones so much. 

So, friends, do not dismiss the bitter and just shove it away deep inside. EQUALLY, dont forget there is sweetness too and that Jesus's advent those many years ago meant there was hope and restoration coming just as was promised.  That is a promise for us all. We do not face these hard seasons alone. 

Jesus is with us, just as He always has been.