Don't Let Me Go, Lord

Last week, my husband and I had a very raw and real conversation in the car on our way home from some bible study time with friends. I was able to share the darkness I have been wrestling with and where I have lately felt like at the very depths of my lowest of low points. 

My sweet husband had been reminding me and telling me that I can always talk to him about anything and no matter what he will always love me. This allowed me to finally be able to open up. I think I've been so focused on wanting to help, that I hadn't realized my own bag was getting heavy and I needed help too. Another dear friend used the analogy of the oxygen masks on a plane: you gotta put your own oxygen mask on first before you can help others around you. 

When we got home from the LifeGroup we attended with church friends, I asked if we could watch The Chosen. I knew it would cheer me up and comfort me. What I didn't know is it would really hit home and comfort me DEEPLY. I was left in tears. It was exactly what I was needing to continue the encouragement that had already started to bloom as Jason and I talked in the car. 

In the episode of The Chosen, we saw Jesus feeding the 5,000 after He preached to them for a long time. He provided for them. Throughout the episode we saw Peter wrestling through personal storms and difficulties. He was upset with Jesus because of a significant loss that he and his wife experienced. The episode ended with Jesus walking on water which can be found in Matthew 14. Peter sees him and walks out to him. As they stand there, the storm raging around them as thunder clapped over head and waves thrashed about...Peter confronts Jesus saying how he has been there in front of Jesus the whole time...giving up everything to follow him and then struggling but felt like his Lord did not notice or care because He was off preaching to gentiles and Jews. Jesus speaks to Peter saying how trials come and He uses them to strengthen us, we need only fix our eyes on Him. He tells him "Keep you're eyes on me"As the moment continues Peter does end up taking his eyes off of Jesus. He sees the storm and the size of the waves and immediately goes down. As he sinks below waves that are too big and overpowering, Jesus' hand reaches into the sea. Peter grabs His hand and Jesus pulls him out of the depths and back to His side. Peter's words that follow were so moving and I was in tears. He says over and over as Jesus holds him close and comforts him: 

" Don't let me go, Lord. "

I don't know about you, friends, but it is HARD when the storms come as we journey through life. When you're at rock bottom, curled up and wondering if it's even worth it or if anyone notices your struggle or wouldn't notice if you disappeared...it is SO hard and painful and lonely. It is easy to keep our eyes on our Savior when it's easy and all is going how it's supposed to. When it gets hard and trials sweep in, it becomes difficult to look up and towards the light. It can feel impossible to keep going and yet, Jesus meets us there. In the middle of the howling winds and crashing waves, He walks to us. He sits with us in our sorrows and patiently listens to our constant asking of "WHY, Jesus. I don't understand". He never leaves us or forsakes us or condemns our questioning. He reaches His hand out and pulls us back to Him and comforts us. Jesus strengthens us in trials and He declares peace in our lives just as He commanded the seas that day when He said "Peace. Be still!"

Until we draw our final breath, may we continue to look to God and utter in the darkest moments of life : "Don't let me go, Lord. Please don't let me go".