Fears into Fiats

I had intended to write a themed post for each day of Holy Week but here we are on a Thursday night long after Holy Week has come and gone. The Lord has certainly been taking us through a valley and desert period lately. It has been a valley of anger, sorrow and loss of peace. The sun almost seems to come out and then it starts all over again  with the dark valleys.  

During times like this It is so easy to question God. When life throws us curve balls and sorrows come our ways we get angry and demand why instead of prayerfully seeking God in the midst of it. Instead of saying "I trust you, Lord" we instead ask the whys, what ifs and repeat the I don't understands. I have found myself doing that often as of late. At first it was "I don't understand, Lord" but its slowly has become "I don't understand, Lord. But I trust you and you are still good." 

You see, friends, I was aiming to be confirmed this year and had hoped it would be at the Easter vigil mass. However that has not happened and I have asked God why about so many different factors of the situation. I have prayed so many tear-filled prayers over myself and for my beloved husband. On top of that, there was fire at my place of employment and the structure sustained significant damage (all people and animals got out safely. PRAISE GOD!) The stress has been immense and while I don't understand...I trust God completely. After the fire I was hit with a still continuing bought of depression off and on as well as some flares of old chronic pain. While I don't know when or even if I will ever be confirmed...I have peace in the midst of everything weighing on me and my husband. He has provided before and He will provide again. I can fully have faith that He will work good out of all the  hardships and harsh realities we are facing right now. There is still the echoes of disappointment but my faith has only deepened through out this experience and made me fall even more in love with God and drawn me closer to Him in my faith journey.  

All of the difficulties we have been facing got me remembering something about Wednesday of Easter week. Passover had begun and as messianic jews we celebrate both Passover and easter. This year, We ended up not having our seder meal this year but instead kept it low key and we finished up watching the last episode of the current season of the Chosen while eating the crockpot stew I made for us. 

Ya'll. The final episode of season 5. 

It was so good.

 And so timely. 

My eyes weren't dry at all. 

It is the episode depicting Jesus praying in Gethsemane and then his betrayal at the hands of Judas.

(Shameless plug:  I really cannot speak highly enough of this show, so if you haven't watched The Chosen go check it out on Amazon Prime or the free Chosen app).

I think though there was something deeply moving about this episode and seeing the sorrow that Jesus felt leading up to the darkest hours He would face. Our Savior is familiar with fear. Jesus is familiar with suffering. He is familiar with not wanting to face what He knew laid ahead of him on Good Friday. He knows what it is to ask the Father "Please. Let this pass me by, Father." 

But, friends, Jesus is also familiar with what it means to say "Not my will...but your will be done, Lord". He fully submitted to Father despite being anxious and filled with sorrow and I'd wager even fear. He knew exactly the kind of death that He would experience. Crucifixion was the absolute worst death sentence you could receive in Jesus' day and age. It could take days for someone to pass away on a cross. This type of capital punishment was reserved only for criminals and the Romans crucified people on the daily. It gets me wondering if Jesus ever saw people being crucified with complete knowledge that it would be His turn one day and that His turn was the most important of them all. His turn on the cross would turn the very sting of death on its head and crush Satan. It would pay the debt we cannot pay and gift us salvation. 

Despite all the sorrow, anxiety and whatever he may have been feeling, Jesus still submitted to Father's will. He fell to the ground in prayer and spoke to God, surrendering all to Him. What an example our dear Savior set for us and it is something I hope will encourage you all, friends, as it has me. It is knowing that He knows what we feel as well as our entire stories is what comforts me and helps me to keep pressing on, even if it is just the tiniest step forward. He walks through the valleys with us and Jesus wants to be with us as we experience all of our emotions. He created us and wants all of us, each complex part and every tear that falls and every smile that crosses our faces.

Jesus turned His fear into faith and trust in His Father's will. He can help us do the same, we have only to bring what we carry and lay it at His feet. 

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. " 

(Matthew 11:28 NIV)